Differences Are What Makes Life Interesting, Right?

There are always those moments in a relationship when you look at the person you're with and think....really? That's what you think about XYZ? You freaked out over THAT tiny, insignificant thing? When you first start dating, you may let it go in the interest of the honeymoon phase. You also might react in just the way that will hurt or offend the other person, not really knowing the right way to react.

When you've been dating for a while, those little things start to irk you, even when you know they shouldn't. They have a funny way of sneaking right under your skin and pressing every nerve that's linked to irritability all at the same time. Logically, you know that everyone has their flaws and how boring it would be with to be with someone who's exactly like you. To be perfectly honest, I don't think I could handle another me- I'm much too complex.

F has been babied all his life, he's been extremely lucky to have lived quite a sheltered existence in suburbia as far away from any awareness that there's another world out there that's not as lucky and shiny as his own. In his defense, he had an emotional hardship, a betrayal, one of which I'm not going to say here- it's far too personal but, I will say that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But, that's it. He's always been able to plan and direct his life to exactly where he wants and it usually works out for him. When it doesn't, he has a tendency to overreact (in my opinion) and obsess over every possible what if out there.

I grew up in suburbia like F but, I've always been made aware of exactly how lucky I was- from trips to the soup kitchen and mission for as long as I can remember to volunteering to build houses in Mexico where before they were built out of sewn together sheets and stapled cardboard boxes. I've also lived on my own pretty much since I was 18 and have made enough difficult choices in life to know that it doesn't always work out how you plan.

So, when F hurts himself, it's a HUGE ordeal and takes up hours of time and energy. Meanwhile, I always tend to feel myself get a bit frustrated with his immaturity, his ability to slip so effortlessly into the role of a helpless child. I don't let this on....anymore. I learned quite a long time ago in our relationship that we have different coping mechanisms, in fact, mine is one of the things he admires in me. So, when I feel frustrated or irritated, I just take a deep breath and try to repeat what I would tell myself, hoping that after a while it will help. I try to put a positive spin on it. I let him know that I'm there for him, etc. It usually doesn't do the trick and he just repeats the same obsession over and over and over again until he's built himself into a near panic and me to the nearest glass of wine. This, in turn, exacerbates my already rising frustration and irritation and then, I feel guilty.

I start asking myself- am I a bitch? Are we just too different? What is his DEAL? Why am I so insensitive to his needs when he's going through things like this? Well, I know a couple of those answers. I can be a bitch sometimes and when things seem to be serious to me, I always look for the silver lining for perspective. If it's something that's hard to deal with, I detach myself to look at it logically so that I may come to a conclusion as to what I should do next. We are different but, like I said before, thank WHOEVER for that! We agree on the important things in life and are different in life experiences and personalities. I have no clue, just a bunch of theories based on how he was raised vs how I was raised. And, I don't know why. But, I do know that it's worth it to just try to be patient, realize this is what it is and try to be as supportive as possible because whatever he's experiencing, it's probably for the first time ever and it's scary. That's what being married is all about.