Time, Money and Sanity Saving Tips for Your Wedding Planning

I just finished reading the always helpful Real Simple Weddings and thought I'd share the tips they had in their 2010 edition. I've injected some of what I've learned so far as well. Hopefully, these will be as helpful to you as they were to me!

Timeline: Meet face-to-face with no more than three vendors in each category. Do your research beforehand by learning general information about the vendors online and through word-of-mouth. That way, the interviews will be about finding your favorites (aka who you gel with the most).

Budget: Shop on eBay for wedding accessories to save money. My side note: Etsy rocks! It'll give you unique ideas and save you money. Also, try checking out the blogs of wedding people- photographers, bakers, planners, etc. You may be able to work out a deal with them that will save you money. You can see their work on the blog and establish a relationship with them. If they can't work within your budget, they'll probably have a good reference for you. OR you can check out local schools for aspiring artists- many students will do the work cheap for you for portfolio additions. You will need to interview them, make sure that they know exactly what you want and sign a contract with all the details worked out and may want to think of having a back-up plan, just in case.

Location: Booking a location 4 to 6 months before your wedding date may prevent you from blowing your whole budget since you have limited time to do everything. If a site isn't booked, the manager will be more likely to work out a deal with you since they'd rather have it booked then, empty.

For destination weddings, book on the last week of the off-season. Weather-wise it's a slight gamble but, it's much cheaper than booking on the first week of the peak season.

Talk to the person who manages the venue and to your photog about using your wedding photos for promotional material. They may offer a discount- or give you more time for photos.

My money saving tip: For your reception venue, if it's not in a package with your ceremony, tell them that you're planning a party. It's amazing how much cheaper the same exact celebration is when you call it a party instead of a wedding reception.

Guests, Attendants, Invites: If your parents are driving you nuts, try to figure out what's driving their involvement- did your Mom have to forego a fancy reception? Did your sis elope? Once you understand where they're coming from, you can get creative and put them in charge of small projects that really fulfill what they want. Maybe they'll let you cut down on if they can throw you a big engagement party or hey we're married party. You can have a small, intimate ceremony with a huge reception..

Attire: Hit the shops with your own "look book" with magazine tear outs, photos of other brides, red carpet dresses, fabric swathes- anything that'll help you communicate exactly what you want to the sales staff. The more details, the better AND be completely candid about your budget. No use trying on that Vera if you're budget's more J.Crew.

My own sanity saving tip: Give your bridesmaids or in my case, Fave Femmes, full control over what they'll wear for the day with your color. Mine is turquoise but, even then I'm flexible- it can be different shades of turquoise. I have 7 Fave Femmes and I have NO CURVES- they do. You know...they actually look like women so I am not going to pretend that I know what looks good on them or would be comfy. I also don't know who can afford what, so I'd rather them feel sexy, comfy and make it affordable to them. AND one less thing to stress about! One more plus- much more visually entertaining then looking at seven of the same dress, in my opinion!

Flowers: Avoid holidays like the plague for far more reasons than just flowers. But, your flowers will jump in price incredibly during holidays. Also, florists are swamped during the holidays, so you won't have their full attention.

My money saving tip: Go to a wholesale flower market. Some cities, LA and SF, both have Flower Districts- which allow you to save some mula by getting your florals wholesale exactly where your florists would get your flowers without the extra cost. Check out your cities to see if you have a flower wholesale market or a district. You may even be able to work out deals with a Farmer's Market dealer as well.

Vows/Ceremony: Ceremony- to save time and for wedded bliss with brevity, head to your City Hall, where a judge or justice of the peace will officiate. It lasts about three minutes (along with wait time, which varies). Contact them about reservations, fees, and number of guests you can bring.

Vows: If you're writing your own, start looking for inspiration a month before the wedding, so you can have a few weeks to practice your finished script. From time-to-time in that month, look in a mirror and recite the vows aloud. Take it slow, this will help your voice resonate and people to hear you well. When you practice, it'll increase your confidence. My tip: If you're going to throw in some personal jokes, that will get a few laughs from at least some of your guests, allow some time for those laughs. Otherwise, they may miss the important part of your vows.

Name Change: Order extra copies of your marriage certificate when you apply for a license. You may have to provide it to some organizations like the DMV.

Photo and Video: Ask a friend who's a whiz with a video camera  to shoot the event and then, get it professionally edited and made into a wedding film (costs vary from $695 to $895). Like I said earlier, go to local schools and check out some up-and-coming talent.You can have one professional for the important shots and have an amateur shoot candids.

Food: Look into your different options online so you know what to expect and if the caterers can work with your budget. Ask for a tasting at that first meeting, the sooner you get a feel for the food, the sooner you can make your decision.

My tip: Sometimes you have to use the venue's catering team, like in my case. Look into the variety of options possible to see which one will save you the most money. I was going to go with a cocktail party but, realized I didn't want to interrupt the flow by sending people away and then, having them come back. But, instead of the full five-course sit down, I chose a plated dinner and am saving some serious money.

If you're having kids at the wedding, see if you can have a kid's section of the reception venue and order a few large pizzas. My venue was going to charge $22 per kid...$22 FOR A CHILD!!!! I don't know about you but, I don't know a single 9 year old and younger that eats $22 worth of food. So, I asked the sales manager if we could just order pizzas and have someone provide activities. Done and done. So, now for $22 I'm feeding all 20 kids.

Also, check to see if there's an extra cost for a split plate. That is when you're allowed to give your guests options on the invites- check here if you want steak, chicken, fish, vegetarian. My venue charges $4 a plate extra, so I opted out of that. Instead, I'm doing a duet (that's when there's two opposing dishes on one plate- i.e. filet mignon and halibut) which saves money and should appease everyone. The veggies? That option is usually provided for free but, be sure to discuss it with the caterer.

Scene: Have toasts and the traditional dances between courses. (I agree with the toasts but, not so much the dances- who wants Aunt Mildred chomping down on a steak while you're having your first dance?) But, Real Simple says this gives plenty of time for both- so that dancers don't have to wait until the meal's over to dance. As a DJ, it's two conflicting energies...but, doable. Maybe best for those long sit-downs with multiple (read: 4+) courses.

Check out all your decorating choices- party supply warehouses, outlets, interior/event design students, etc- to see what kind of deals can be struck. Also, for linen/equipment rental places, use that I'm throwing a party line instead of wedding reception to save some dough.

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Your Wedding Guest List Issues Resolved!

I’ve planned numerous events and have never had such a hard time with making a guest list. I guess it’s different for weddings, especially your own and especially when you want to make the people that are contributing financially to the cause, happy. I know I can’t be the only one, so thought I’d troll blogs, mags, and the Net to see what I can come up with to help us out.  I’m going to include a bunch of issues so that we can have a one-stop shop for all the save-it-for-yo-mama-guest list drama!

1) What kind of wedding do you want?

For us, we want a beach ceremony with an outdoor reception at Fess Parker’s Doubletree Resort in their Plaza del Sol. This doesn’t have any space limitations- well the Plaza holds 500 which we’re nowhere near to inviting. We looked at our budget (a little on the low end for weddings), type of wedding we wanted (cozy), and the fact that it’s out of town for everyone (Santa Barbara- where none of us live). Get the what and where answered before getting to the who.

2) Go NUTS!

Write down every single name that comes to your head when you mention the words “our wedding”. Write down those random family members that you both are SURE that your parents would want to invite. Include kids, plus ones, randoms, Justin Timberlake, you get the picture!

3) Ask your parents.

Some would rather not, as in my FI, but, a) I like my in-laws and b) it’s respectful to show that you want to include both families in the planning process. This is especially true when they’re donating to the cause. It will drive you nuts but, you have to be honest and direct, people have other to-do's than your wedding. However, you shouldn't play doormat or allow too much time to pass without being a little pushy. After all, you can't start the planning process if you don't have a list and you can communicate that to your in-laws, along with limitations.

4) Sick or Out of Town Relatives

Relatives that are either incredibly ill or live way too far away and you are close to still warrant an invitation and save-the-dates. Thankfully, we live in a technological age where they can still attend your wedding without actually being there. Yes, my lovies, this glorious invention is called a webcast and it can be added onto your videographer’s package. There are DIY webcast where a company sends you all you need for $199 or most will provide professional services for $495. I found a free how to using Broadcam here. Cheaper, DIY but, not live option: have a friend videotape the ceremony and post it on YouTube, embed it as a media link on your social media profile or even as an attachment to good ol’ email.

5) Divide and conquer.

In group A, to use The Knot’s dividing techniques, put both of your immediate families, close extended family members, close friends, clergy/officiate and spouse, parents of the ring bearer and flower girls, and spouses/partners/fiancés  or long-term boyfriend/girlfriends of wedding party. An easy way to figure out the boy/girlfriend issue for all guests is this rule of thumb: If they’ve been together over a year, the bf/gf gets an invite. This is also the time to ask yourselves, who can’t we live without on our special day? Those people get an automatic invite.

In group B, secondary list, include that friend/family member that isn’t a huge part of your life, neighbors, co-workers, plus ones for single guests, acquaintances (people you know through a common interest), and all the good-ol’-what’s-his/her-names.

6) The numbers game.

How do we know how many people will come? What do we do if it’s a destination wedding? What happens when the regrets from our “A” list pile up and we HAVE to have a set number for the venue? What if I can’t cut anybody?!? First, breathe….deep breaths…say “Ommmmm”. OK, better? Now, it’s safe to bet that 10-20% of your “A” list will send regrets. For most couples, a safe estimate of acceptance rate for out-of-town guests is 55%

 (# of out of town guests * 65%) + (# of local guests * 90%) = total # estimated to attend.

So if you have 150 people on your guest list, 50 of which are out-of-towners, and 100 are local, your equation will look like this: (50*65%) + (100*90%) = 122.5. So, approximately 123 people will attend.

This number deepens a bit when you hold your wedding in a place where everyone’s a tourist to about 40%. However, there’s also the chance that everyone replies yes to say…a Santa Barbara beach wedding because they’ll treat it as a vacation. Only you will know how your friends/family will react. When I told my friends about our wedding plans and set the date for a Sunday, I gauged their reactions. I had hoped they would all reply in excitement and want to treat it as a vacation with our wedding as a bonus. And by Manifest Destiny, most of them have but, there’s still the Sunday factor. So, you can see it gets tricky- to be safe I’ll go to about 25% saying no.

When you start getting those regrets in, start sending your favorite “B” listers’ invites ASAP. The longer you wait, the longer they may get the idea that they weren’t your first choice and who wants to feel like that? I would start with the plus ones- that way your single guests won’t be sitting at that awkward “singles” table and they’ll at least have someone to share in the fun. Budget Bonus: You can just call the single friend and ask if you included their guest. Blame it on wedding hysteria that you forgot to include them and that you wanted to make sure they were invited.

If you feel like you can’t cut anyone then, there are three options: a) change venue, b) win the lottery, or c) cut something else out of your budget. You can DIY favors, hire a DJ instead of a band, change dates (Saturday, in-season weddings charge full-price), choose to have appetizers instead of a full meal…you get the idea.

7) How to Make Cuts:

Just in case my three options above don’t work for you- here’s a how-to-make-cuts step-by-step:

• Send solo invitations to friends not heavily monogamous, engaged or married (i.e. that Starbucks guy he/she met the other day that may just be the one)


• Don't invite coworkers


• Don't invite children under some age decided upon


• Don’t invite people out of guilt (these are those people that practically demand an invitation). If you have to think a great deal about inviting someone, they probably don't belong at your wedding.


• Cut everyone you haven't spoken to in a year. If it is still too large, progress to six months, three months, etc. until it is a better size. This could apply to relatives as well.


• Scan your list for "problem" people. (these could be people who can't hold their liquor, are bigoted, or have any other anti-social behavior problems)

8) Recently separated couples.

Here’s one of those awkward situations that wedding guest lists are bound to bring up- what do you do with your friends that have recently separated or divorced? Won’t it be awkward to invite them both? How do you address the save-the-dates/invites?

Here’s your easy and drama-free solution: Send an invitation to each and let them decide whether they are going to attend or not. They’re adults, right? Don’t you have enough to worry about?

9) How to plan for mistakes you make on the invites:

If you plan on DIYing your invites, you’re going to need some wiggle room. Even the most organized, detail-oriented bride can get blurry eyed and change Aunt Mae into Aunt Moe…in PEN! If you buy a couple extra invites/envelopes/inserts, you’ll be allowed to cut yourself some slack.

If you’re having them professionally printed, make sure that the printers have everyone’s name correctly spelled and all the right info. Have proofs and a finalized contact list sent to you with plenty of room to edit any possible mistakes.

10) What to do if your guests ignore the RSVP:

Slap them right across the face as hard as possible. No, I’m kidding... Some people will either forget about the RSVP card or assume that you know they’re coming because they told you that one night over Sangria or lose the RSVP card or think they can’t RSVP because it’s past the date or…whatever other excuse they can conjure.

First, set the RSVP date a couple of weeks before your last possible chance to respond to vendors such as the caterer. This will give you some cushion, so if someone doesn’t RSVP, you can then call them and ask for a response.

As frustrated as you may be, please be understanding. There’s no need to cause drama and tension for your big day. Just say, “I know how crazy life can be and I just wanted to see if you were able to make it to our wedding in May.” If they hedge you AT ALL with a response like, “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry; can I get back to you?” This is what you say: “Of course. I have to let the caterer know the total headcount, so please get back to me by tomorrow. I hope you can make it but, totally understand if it’s too expensive/last minute/much, etc”.  They should be able to look at their calendars and talk about it with whoever they need to by the next day. You also want to be able to give them an out, even if you don’t believe it. People will feel awkward for being put on the spot, especially if the answer is a “no”.

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30 Questions to Ask Your Wedding Ceremony Venue!

I’m looking to get my venues booked by the end of the year, so that I can take advantage of 2010 prices for my 2011 wedding. I wanted to be prepared and to make sure I had everything handled, since I’m getting married two hours away. I put together this list of questions to ask the venue/sales/event/wedding coordinator, so that I wouldn’t waste any time. I thought it could help you guys out too, so here’s a list:

1. What dates are available in the season that you want to get married in? 
 If you already have the date, find out the availability for the date and hours.
For a more flexible wedding date, it is still important to ask the venue about their availability. That will give you an idea of their busy season.
Knowing a venue’s busy season can clue you into how many other weddings will be taking place the same weekend, and the same day as your own.

2. Ask about the wedding season for the location of your venue. 
Planning a wedding off season can save you literally thousands of dollars. Off season for most weddings are November-mid-May. On that note, think about a Friday or Sunday wedding and ask the venue for their prices for those days as well. I’m saving $18K just by doing these two things (Sunday wedding in the off season).

3. What hours are weddings held – from how early in the morning, until how late at night?
 Brunch weddings are cheaper than evening weddings, as well. 

4. How many events will be held during my wedding? 
The facility may do more than weddings, and it is important to know what kind of service you will be receiving on your big day. Ask if there are other events or weddings during yours, before or after yours. This will dramatically affect your set-up, breakdown and rehearsal times. Some venues book back-to-back events and you and your guests may feel rushed if this is the case.

5. Is your venue easy to find?
 

6. Is your venue licensed to carry out civil weddings?

7. If you do hold a license for civil ceremonies, what authority do you come under and can you supply names and contact details for the registrar?

8. Do you have a list of local officiants and some references for them?

9. Who do I contact if there is a problem? 
Because you want your big day to go off without a hitch, it is important to know who the contact person is at the event in case of a question or a problem. Is the manager going to be on site? Who would you talk to and where would you find the venue’s trouble shooting person?

10. On that note, do you offer day-of coordinators?
It’d be cheaper and more helpful to have someone on site that has established relationships with local vendors as well as know the ins-and-outs of your location and how to troubleshoot effectively. 

11. Does the wedding venue offer any Wedding Package Plans? 
A reception facility sometimes offers a wedding package plan. What the package includes varies from reception hall to reception hall. It is important to ask exactly what the packages offer, and if not, which services will cost you extra. Is the ceremony included? Or what is the extra fee for a ceremony? 
Money Saving Tip: Compare the price of a package plan to a customized plan to get the services that you need on that day, that also fit your budget.

12. What is the rental fee for the Wedding Venue?  
Typically reception halls will quote couples a per-person fee. Not all venues are up-front about the fact that in addition to the per-person fee, there may also be added tax (some venues include it in the per-person fee), and an added gratituity. On top of that, there could also be an actual rental fee for the venue itself. Ask how much the venue rental fee is, and ask how many hours it covers. 

13. Ask the venue how much their deposit is to hold the facility for a specific date. Ask when the deposit is due, and in what form (check, money order, credit card).  
Find out when the facility needs a secondary or final payment.

14. Is there a payment schedule? What deposits are required? 

15. What’s the cancellation policy?

16. Are there any hidden costs? (Before you sign the contract, read it carefully!!)

17. What’s the decor like? Does it fit your style and wedding colors? Will you have to spend a lot of money on flowers and decorations to make it beautiful?

18. Is the wedding venue wheelchair accessible? If not, are there many stairs to climb? How close is the parking to the ceremony? 

19. Is there room in the wedding venue for a band, wedding musicians, or DJ to play your processional? 
Ask about power strips/supply for the band or DJ. They will need one close by to set up their equipment…more members of a band=more power needed. Also, ask about acoustics. Your band director or DJ should know about this but, it’ll save you time and money to have this answered for them before you meet.

20. Does the wedding venue already own a sound system with adequate speakers or will that need to be rented? Or will your band/DJ have to supply it? 
If you’re hiring a DJ, they’ll have speakers and an amp without charging you extra or making it another thing for you to worry about!

21. Is there a space for the bride and groom to change and/or relax? Will there be separate rooms- bridal suite, etc? 
You’ll want to calculate the closeness of these rooms to the ceremony and work out how to get to the ceremony without too much time/hassle(brides).

22. Where will you take photographs? Is there a park nearby, or do the coordinators have recommended spots on the grounds? Is there a way to control high traffic areas that you may want to take your photos?

23. Where can your guests park? Are there extra fees for parking? Do they have valet parking? Will there need to be shuttles to bring your guests to the venue?

24. Is the wedding venue convenient to public transportation, especially in big cities? How long will it take your guests to get there? 

25. Are candles or other open flames allowed?

26. If its an outdoor location, do they have any backup plans for rain or other inclement weather? If not, is there a place that you can put up a tent? 

27. Do they own enough chairs for the ceremony, or will they need to be rented?

28. What is the capacity of the Wedding Venue?
One of the earliest and hardest decisions that the couple has to make is how many people to invite. Find out if the venue can hold the amount of guests you intend to invite.

29. Will the Venue Provide Wedding Supplies and Accessories? Chairs, any decorations, aisle runners, huppahs, altars, etc….

30. Do you allow confetti, birdseed, bubbles, flower petals, etc to be thrown at the venue?

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Non-Traditional First Dance Songs

Hey ladies- I was reading through the Real Simple Wedding Site the other day and came across some first dance songs that I thought I’d pass along. I was on Wedding911 and came across a lot of brides that were having a hard time finding their song. My first dance is going to be “He Loves Me” by Jill Scott since that’s been our song since the day I met him. Let me know what your first dance is going to be or check out some of the songs below (you can check these out on iTunes or download them for free through Limewire):

• “All I Need,” Mat Kearney
• “All I Want Is You,” Barry Louis Polisar
• “All You Need Is Love,” Nada Surf
• “Better Life,” Keith Urban
• “Better Together,” Jack Johnson
• “Bless the Broken Road,” Selah
• “Bring It on Home,” Little Big Town
• “Change in My Life,” the Persuasions
• “Come Away With Me,” Norah Jones
• “Crazy Little Thing Called Love,” Queen
• “Dixie Chicken,” Little Feat
• “Dixieland Delight,” Alabama
• “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic,” the Police
• “Everything,” Ben Harper
• “Everything,” Michael Buble
• “Fade Into You,” Mazzy Star
• “Feels Like Home,” Chantal Kreviazuk
• “Free Fallin’” Tom Petty And the Heartbreakers
• “God Only Knows,” the Beach Boys
• “Have a Little Faith in Me,” John Hiatt
• “Here Comes My Baby,” the Mavericks
• “Hold You in My Arms,” Ray LaMontagne
• “I Got You Babe,” UB40
• “I Melt With You,” Jason Mraz
• “If Not for You,” Glen Campbell
• “In Your Eyes,” Matt Ketteman and Cameron Mizell
• “Into the Mystic,” Van Morrison
• “In the Moment,” Sister Hazel
• “I Walk the Line,” Johnny Cash
• “Just Can’t Get Enough,” Depeche Mode
• “Just Like Heaven,” the Cure
• “Lean on Me,” Bill Withers
• “Loving You,” Paolo Nutini
• “Making Memories of Us,” Keith Urban
• “One Fine Day,” Natalie Merchant
• “On the Sunny Side of the Street,” Jane Hart
• “Our Finest Year,” Better Than Ezra
• “Peaceful Easy Feeling,” Eagles
• “Perfect Day,” Duran Duran
• “Romeo and Juliet,” Dire Straits
• “Shelter From the Storm,” Bob Dylan
• “She’s Mine,” Brett Dennen
• “Someone Like You,” Van Morrison
• “Something About Us,” Daft Punk
• “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
• “Spend My Life With You,” Eric Ben”t
• “Sunshine,” Matt Costa
• “Thank You for Loving Me,” Bon Jovi
• “The Day Before You,” Matthew West
• “The Luckiest,” Ben Folds
• “This Year’s Love,” David Gray
• “The Glory of Love,” Jimmy Durante
• “True Companion,” Marc Cohn
• “Wave on Wave,” Pat Green
• “When You Feel It,” Brett Dennen
• “Within You,” Ray LaMontagne
• “You Are My Sunshine,” Ray Charles, with Chris Isaak
• “You Are the Woman,” Firefall
• “You Make Me Feel So Free,” Van Morrison
• “You Make My Dreams Come True,” Daryl Hall & John Oates
• “You’re My Home,” Billy Joel
• “Your Song,” Elton John

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Top Five Wedding Planning Websites...

I was trying to get through two of my BFF’s weddings before I planned my own. Here’s my list of sites that I’ve used to help plan my friend’s weddings, they all live far from me and I’ve had to plan many a wedding online. Now, I’m finally starting on my own and am looking to these to help me out. Hopefully, this list will help anyone that needs to plan a wedding!

1

The Knot

The ultimate one-stop shop for B2Bs (bride-to-be’s) and most popular of all the sites, The Knot covers everything. It has an iPhone App, Wedding911, checklists for everything, a timeline of to-do’s, every piece of advice possible, wedding websites, and everything else you could possibly need.

2

Brides.com

Brides.com has great ideas for favors, DIY, dresses, beauty, etc. It has a way for you to save the images of dresses, make-up, cakes, etc that you like so that you don’t have to worry about where to find it when you come back to the site.

3

Real Simple Weddings

I love everything Real Simple- it is one of my fave magazines because it seems to solve all life’s problems um….really simply. I also love how it focuses on DIY because in this economy, that’s what we have to do. For their weddings (which is both a part of the realsimple.com website and a magazine), they help to squash all of your wedding anxieties.

4

OneWed.com

Budget tips, advice from other brides, “savvy steals and deals”, share your photos and your wedding journey, a matchmaking system to match you with the perfect vendors, favors/accessories/fashion/etc in their store and all sorts of fun things to cover your wedding needs.

5

WeddingChannel.com

An upcoming actual television channel, the website actually feels like it covers everything. I’m new to the site so I’ll have to add more when I discover more. It covers trends in cake, colors, themes, etc; it covers DIY, celebrity weddings, wedding supplies, vendors, you can create a registry, what to get the bride for each pre-wedding party, how to plan those parties, and pretty much everything else you could want.

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